When YHC woke up, the weather app on my phone said it was 34 degrees, windchill was 24 degrees, and some type of wintry precipitation was falling.  But I knew this wouldn’t keep any of my boys from posting at the first Colosseum opportunity of the year.  All of these DMs I’d been getting on Slack with pitiful, some might even say “pathetic” excuses were all a ruse.  They would be there.  All of those who simply didn’t respond to the call for HCs were just wanting to surprise us with exceedingly high numbers on our first BD of 2022.

Alas, I pulled up to an empty parking lot… 

Then came not one, but two sets of headlights pulling in after me (which was cutting it REALLY close because I was running late and only arrived about 3 minutes before the BD was going to start).  We met up, started our watches (because, if you don’t track the workout it didn’t really happen, right?), and started moseying around the campus.

Then it happened – MIRACLE OF MIRACLES…  the wind died down, the temp climbed up steadily to the mid-50’s, the wintry mix of precipitation stopped falling, and the wet ground dried instantly.  There were no puddles to avoid (which would have had our feet freezing if we ran through them).  The pavement miraculously not only softened, but buoyed us along putting a never before realized spring in our step.

THE THANG:

• Parking Lot #1: Sprint the small parking lot loop and do 5 burpees
• Parking Lot #2: Bernie Sanders the medium parking lot loop and do 25 dips
• Parking Lot #3: Aggressive Mosey around the large parking lot loop and do 5 burpees
• Rinse and Repeat

Were the burpees hard?  No!  The miraculously changed ground propelled us upwards while also miraculously raising our heart rates to make sure that with little to no effort, we still burned more than 600 calories each.

Was our sprint slow? No!  Our lungs miraculously expanded as our VO2 Max supernaturally soared.  Each step brought healing, recovery, and euphoria.

What about those Bernie Sanders?  Since YHC forgot that the middle parking lot was on an incline, these Bernie Sanders loops should have torched our calves.  But, each step send pulses through our legs like a natural Theragun, strengthening our legs, our souls, and our minds.

Did our shoulders hurt from all of those dips? No!  The ground lowered its gravitational pull and the benches pushed us ever upwards while also swelling our triceps and shoulders up to the point that all PAX now need new F3 shirts as ours exploded during the third set.

Finally, we moseyed back to the flag (well, we moseyed to the spot where the flag should have been. Since we didn’t have any Site Qs, we didn’t have a flag) in disbelief that our time was up.  Three PAX consumed two pots of The Lord’s sustaining nectar.

Too bad you fartsacked and missed it.  You should probably just stay in the fartsack as the rest of your day will probably be cold and miserable now.